What We Learned at a Home Funeral Workshop: A Guide to After-Death Body Care

Note: This post is for educational purposes only and reflects notes taken at a community workshop hosted by Sacred Journey NC in Greensboro, North Carolina. Always consult with a funeral professional, your local health department, or legal counsel for guidance specific to your situation. Peaceful Crossings does not offer any home funeral services but can recommend trustworthy and licensed home funeral professionals, funeral homes, and funeral celebrants in Durham and Chapel Hill.

Some people have never been in the same room with someone who has just died—let alone considered caring for their body themselves. But for much of human history, washing, dressing, and preparing a loved one for burial was simply something families did together. A growing movement is reclaiming that tradition, which is why Peaceful Crossings recently attended a workshop hosted by Sacred Journey NC at the Greensboro Unitarian Universalist Church. It was a great demonstration of what informed after-death body care can look like in practice.

Here's what we learned, and if you find this interesting, consider attending an in-person workshop yourself. There are free or donation-based ones available throughout the year.

Your Rights as Next of Kin

In North Carolina, families have more rights than most people realize when it comes to their dead. The next of kin—or whoever is designated in the paperwork—has a legal right to the body, even if the person died in a hospital. (Though hospital staff may pressure you to use a body bag, in most cases you are not required to).

If your loved one dies in a facility, tell the nurse as soon as possible that you want time before the funeral home is called. Hospitals and nursing homes may pressure you to vacate the room quickly so they can use it for another patient, but you are legally allowed to have time with your person. Asking early makes it easier for the nurse to arrange things with a supervisor. You can even shroud your loved one in the hospital or nursing home and request a delayed pickup from the funeral home. Of note is that you are not legally required to contract the services of a funeral home in North Carolina (though this is the easiest way to file for and acquire a death certificate).

You also have the right to transport a body within North Carolina without special permits. Crossing state lines, however, requires a transport permit from the vital records office at your local health department.

Setting Up the Space

Whether you are caring for your loved one at home or in a facility, preparation matters. Here is what you will need:

The basics:

• A king-size sheet (you will need at least six people to assist)

• An elevated surface—hospital beds that raise work well

• Make sure the path out of the home can accommodate a body (check stairways and corners in advance)

• Large bowls with water infused with rosemary, lavender, frankincense eucalyptus, or any scent you like (adding flower petals is a nice touch)

• A separate bowl of plain water for rinsing washcloths

• Several washcloths (do not reuse any that have come into contact with feces)

• Gloves for handling any feces or wounds

• Towels

• Pads to place beneath the body in case of fluid release

• Vaseline for the lips

• Mouth swabs (plain and mint-scented)

• Q-tips for the ears

• Witch hazel or hydrogen peroxide, and cornstarch for bed sores

• An ace bandage for keeping the mouth closed

Keeping the Body Cool

A body can remain at home for up to three days after death, depending on conditions, but keeping it cool is essential. Here is how:

Use dry ice, placed inside a pillowcase or similar covering—never directly on the skin. Position it under the torso, across the shoulders, beneath the head, and under the buttocks, where blood tends to pool after death. For larger individuals, place some under the thighs as well. You will need approximately 20 to 30 pounds of dry ice, and you will need to swap it out every four hours or so.

Important safety note: Dry ice releases gases that can be toxic in an enclosed space. Keep a window open and the room as well-ventilated as possible. Keep the room as cool as possible throughout the home vigil.

One helpful product mentioned at the workshop is a sheet embedded with small squares that, when soaked in water for 20 minutes and then frozen for six hours, expand into ice packs that conform to the body's shape. These are known as cryosheets or thermafreeze sheets.

Washing and Preparing the Body

This is the heart of the home funeral practice, and is a deeply intimate act that many families find to be an important part of grieving. Go slowly, breathe, and take your time.

Before you begin:

• Cut or remove clothing carefully, keeping the torso covered for dignity throughout the process

• Press gently on the stomach to release any remaining fluid or gas

• Place a pad beneath the body in case of further release

• Have a towel near the ears, nose, and mouth—fluid may emerge when you turn the body

  
  

Rolling the body to wash the back: You will need at least three people. Cross the person's ankles, then position one person at the shoulder blade, one at the mid-torso, and one at the thigh. Together, turn the body while a fourth person washes the back. Roll up the pad on one side, tuck it as far under as possible, then roll to the other side and repeat to remove it.

Washing:

• Wash the face first, then the ears (using a Q-tip), then move to the legs and feet

• Clean the mouth with a mouth swab to prevent odor; mint oil can also be used

• Clean any bed sores with witch hazel or hydrogen peroxide, then apply cornstarch to stop oozing

• After washing, apply the person's favorite lotion or body oil to keep the skin hydrated—this is especially important for a home funeral

• Keep the lips moistened with Vaseline

• 
  

Washing the hair: Do this before applying the chin wrap. Place a large rolled towel under the shoulders to raise the head. Cut a small hole in the corner of a large plastic bag, roll it up, and slide it under the shoulders so that the bag hangs down toward a trash can positioned to catch the water. Wash the hair normally, allowing the water and shampoo to funnel into the can. If there has been no fluid leakage near the hair, dry shampoo is a simpler alternative.

Keeping the face peaceful:

• To keep the mouth closed, wrap an ace bandage under the chin and tie it snugly at the top of the head. Remove it before the final shrouding. (This is especially important for green burials, which should only involve natural materials like cotton.)

• To keep the eyes closed, place a small piece of cotton from a Q-tip gently under each eyelid.

• If the face appears sunken, consider draping a thin piece of lace or linen over it.

  
  

Dressing and Shrouding

Once the body has been washed, dress your loved one if desired (though note that pants can be difficult if rigor mortis has set in. Rigor mortis typically begins within hours of death and resolves within 24 to 48 hours, after which the body becomes relaxed again).

For a natural burial, shrouding is the final step. Try to use fabrics that were meaningful to the person. Here is the process:

1. Ensure the king-size sheet is already positioned beneath the body

2. Place a wooden board—approximately one inch thick, ten inches wide, and slightly longer than the person's height—under the body before shrouding. This board stays inside the shroud and provides stability for carrying and lowering into the grave. If no board is used, position four sturdy carrying straps beneath the body instead.

3. Use strips of cut sheet to gently tie the feet together at the ankles and the wrists at the sides. For someone with a larger belly, tie beneath them around the arms and waist.

4. Fold the bottom corner of the sheet up over the feet to the knee (or higher, depending on height).

5. Fold each side of the sheet across the torso and tuck.

6. Fold the top of the sheet down over the head, tuck, and secure with a large strap across the shoulders—not the neck.

7. Use large exterior straps at the ankles, upper thighs, and across the chest if desired. These should be tied firmly.

8. Flowers can be tucked into the straps as a final decoration.

If using a wicker or natural casket, lift the sheet with all six people and slide the casket underneath rather than moving the body.

Legal Considerations in North Carolina

• In-state transport does not require a special permit

• Crossing state lines requires a transport permit from the health department's vital records office

• If you find someone who has died unexpectedly, call the sheriff's department. The sheriff will assess whether the death appears suspicious and will contact a medical director, physician, or hospice nurse to pronounce the death.

• Death certificates are typically filed through funeral homes, but families can file independently through the health department's vital records office. The workshop presenter noted this is quite involved and recommended working with a funeral home for this step even if handling everything else yourself.

• Funeral homes can and do own cemeteries, so it is worth asking about this when making arrangements.

• Some funeral homes offer a one to two hour visitation before cremation at the funeral home itself. You might want to ask about this if it is meaningful to your family.

  
  

The Heart of It All

Perhaps the most moving part of the workshop was the reminder that this process does not have to be solemn and silent. As people gather to wash their loved one, they are encouraged to talk, This is a chance to share memories, to say the things they never got to say, to sing, and to grieve together out loud.

Caring for a body after death is not morbid. For many families, it is one of the most profound acts of love they will ever offer.

For more information on home funerals and natural burial in North Carolina, consider reaching out to Sacred Journey NC, contact the Funeral Consumers Alliance North Carolina to learn about your rights, or connecting with the National Home Funeral Alliance.